I thought for the longest time that I was going to be the one who will break the walls of that boy. Oh I was so wrong… Instead of that, I got broken, shattered. that’s what you get when you try to “fix” someone who doesn’t needed fixing in the first place.
I had a plan for both of us and I thought he wanted the same things, even though the signs were always there, yelling at me. I didn’t listen, I choose to ignore them, because I thought I was right and they were wrong.
I paid the price, I accept my mistake and I choose to learn and let go.
The moment that I said to you “I love you” with real tears in my face and my heart in my throat, you just looked down and hug me, I knew then, my worst fear came to reality and it didn’t hit me that hard because I have played that scene over and over in my head, must thank my anxiety for that. You felt out of love for me.
Now strangely enough, I feel comfortable in all this chaos, I had my answer. Finally.
I think, this time I can move on. With the truth clear to me it’s easier.
Maybe this is a strange thing to think right now but in my head I have created a list for what someone should have to be my partner, it goes like this:
- He or she shall no promise me a forever.
- He or she shall have courage to tell me that when there is no longer love for me, it will be said in front of me “I no longer love you”.
- No up to have a highschool romance, I have 27 year old. I’m done with low level commitment.
- Must. love. cats.
Thats it for now.
As I like to deal with numbers (counting) I’ll put it here 2 days without talking to him.
Keeping the faith alive